feeling a little psychotic

well, it was one of those things that was talked about a lot, but it didn't really have real meaning to me until last night. john is now in haiti with a group of people from our church, and i'm a little beside myself. i really think it's great that they're going down there to help out and bring supplies and share God's love with the people there, and i'm super proud of them. I just didn't think it would be this hard on my end...i miss john so much already and it's only monday... i've been carrying my phone around with me like it's my prized possession and checking my facebook ten million times an hour...just waiting and hoping for something else from him...i haven't heard from him since they got to haiti and i'm just hoping they got there safely and everything...i'm just worried...my best friend is halfway across the world away from me...and i know its good that he's doing...but i feel like i need him so much...this makes me realize just how much i take him for granted...i can't wait for him to come home...

2010 reflections...haha

2010 has been intense...let me reminice about the very first few hours in the new year..we had a fun time dancing and seeing the band gazpacho at kellys...then we got home and realized our dog smelled really horrible! like he'd been rolling around in rotten tuna or something. He desperately needed a bath before we could even go to sleep. I don't really believe in bad omens or anything, but could this smelly dog be an example of the upcoming events for 2010? I try to be optimisitic. Moving on to February....we'd been spending more time with John's mom Nancy and her husband Hank. Things had been relatively awkward with them as the had recently gotten married, very soon after divorcing their spouses...and John wasn't initially agreeing with the whole situation, but he was working through it. We were getting to know and really getting to like Hank. He was genuinley a super nice guy who made Nancy very happy, and we really liked spending time with them. Well, Hank had been having some medical issues, mild ones, and had to have cat scan to see what was going on. Turned out he had esophogal cancer (pardon my spelling). He was very strong about it, and was more concerned about Nancy's well being through the whole ordeal then himself. We were all shocked by his diagnosis because he didn't seem sick..he still seemed like the same Hank we'd been getting to know and love. He was very strong through his sickness and kept such a positive attitude. It was really amazing. He ended up passing away in May...only 4 months after his diagnosis. I miss him.
Soon after we found out that Hank was sick, we found out some good friends of ours were expecting! :) Meghan and Doug are due in September and we are so excited for them! :) Also this year, in May, my good friend Mandy married Tim! I was so happy to be able to be a part of their big day..and mandy looked absolutely beautiful! :) what a crazy month..I also turned 25 in may, making me officially a quarter of a century old, which i have to admit has freaked me out a little. I'm getting through it though. Also in may, I found out my twin sister is pregnant!! I'm going to be an aunty for the first time ever and i am soooo excited. I can't wait til we find out if it's a boy or a girl! Craziness!
In June, we got a new puppy! Her name is Lola, and she is marty's sister. she's an adorable little muffin. :) Lots of work tho! Also, I was in a dance recital for the first time in years. And that was pretty neat... and then in July i started dancing in this new place and i'm totally pumped about it. It's super awesome and I feel like I'm learning tons there! :) It's been a hectic kind of year. I don't know how I feel about everything. I feel like everything just kind of passes by no matter if you deal with it or not...life keeps happening whether your ready for it to continue on or not. and i just keep on going...

sew cute is giving away a zipper purse!

Hey everyone who may happen to be reading my blog...just thought ya'll should no that "Sew Cute" from etsy is having a free small zipper purse give away to one of their followers on the blog! :) You should definately check it out coz meghan is super talented and makes super cute bags and whatnot! :)

That being said......have a nice day! and i'll write soon...been a while since i've blogged and i know that everyone is just anxiously awaiting my next post...haha..right.. :)

life is wierd

it's been an intense week with big news. I found out that a friend is pregnant(!!), a friend is engaged (!!), my friend who is recently engaged wants me to be in her wedding(!!), a family member has cancer and it could be in a further stage than anyone would have expected(....), and someone close to me may not ever be able to have children of their own(...), and someone who was recently hospitalized and told they need to stop drinking or they wont be living much longer is hanging out with people who are not good influences....and someone might be quitting their job because of the way they are being treated....soo yea....a little overwhelming... it's like all kinds of mixed emotions of wanting to be happy for friends and yet wanting to be horribly sad and worried for other friends/family....i just dont know what to feel right now. it's so much easier to push the negative things out of my mind and focus on all the good things going on..but i can't... i need to pray for the people around me but i hate to think about what they're going through. it's like i don't want to accept what theyre going through so i don't think about it. anyway, i didn't really have anywhere i was going with this post..so maybe if you happen to stumble across this you could pray for the good and the bad things that are happening around me right now? that would be cool...

Empty hands glorify God

God doesn't need what we have to offer. We can't give him things that we have, he created everything, so it's already his. Going to God humbly and admitting that you have absolutely nothing to offer him to make him notice or love you more is more glorifying because then you are telling God that you are His, and you know you're not good enough and you know you're worldy possessions won't get you anywhere with Him. He loves you anyway. It's a crazy concept to grasp. You can do all the good things you possibly can but it would never be enough to make up for the goodness of God and the depravity of the human race. He's so good all the time. So empty hands really are the best thing to offer up to God. Admit that God is way better than we'll ever be and rest in the comfort of that. God will be glorified by it. And that's not to say that God doesn't want us to do good things for others, or to use the things that he's given us in this life to glorify him...he does. But we need to remember that we can't earn our way into heaven. Thats a gift that we need to be humbly thankful for....



*wrote that at the worship team prayer summit*