It has been a while, yet again! Life get's busy and I don't spend any of it writing anymore. Things have been good. Let me correct myself. Things have been good, because I choose to look at things in a positive light. Things are not always rainbows and sunshine for me (although I wish they were!) but I'm trying to stay positive about life in general. It's the only one I have. I think I tend to come across as though I am overly happy and enthusiastic about life most of the time, and I really do have my days in my head where I really don't feel that way. I think I'm at a phase in my life where I'm learning to not let things bother me that I have no control over. There are people in my life that I miss talking with, that seem to not have any time for me any more. That in particular has really been bringing me down for a while but I think I'm at a point now where it is what it is, and it will be what I make it to be. I can't control other people. I can't make someone want to spend time with me. I do have people who love me and want to spend time with me, and that is where I am putting all of my love and effort into. Anyway, kind of went on a tangent there. My bad!
I feel like there's a lot of pressure for me to have children. I am torn. I don't necessarily "want" to have a child. However, I feel like I'm a let down because it hasn't happened. I don't really know what else to say about it except that I'm conflicted. At this point, I'm comfortable with who I am and the decisions John and I have made in our lives. We're doing what we can with what we have. Someday, maybe?
I've been on this really intense music kick lately. Especially Third Eye Blind. This music speaks to me in ways I've never known. I think I'm most content to sit in my car and sing along to these songs that are always there for me. These lyrics have so many different meanings and I think that they mean something different to me every time I hear them. Slightly obsessed but I'm okay with it. :)
I don't know what God has planned for me. I feel disconnected in some ways and at the same time, I feel closer than I've ever been. Maybe that's the point. Not knowing...?